Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Limerance. Love. & motherhood.

Limerence. It is what we call "falling in love". Well, it may be a little more than that and the definition actually involves behavior based on reciprocated feelings, but that's for another time. Basically, what I'm talking about is that time when we are so infatuated with someone new that we would do anything to be around them. Like when I met my now husband, I would have gone anywhere at any time for a chance to see him. I think I thought that I was "in love". But, back then it really wasn't love at all. It was selfish infatuation. Because I wasn't really sacrificing for the sake of him. When we are infatuated, we are sacrificing for our own benefit so that we can have that "feeling" of love. True love starts when limerence fades. When the butterflies are fewer and farther between. We don't "fall out of love". We "fall out of infatuation" and that's when we really have the opportunity to choose to love someone. To sacrifice when we don't get a feeling out of it. With no ulterior motives.
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Does love sound like a feeling? It sounds more like sacrifice and hard work to me. But like most hard work, there's payoff.

The difference with motherhood, is that I was in love from the start, even alongside infatuation. I sacrifice daily for her and would go to the ends of the earth for her. I stare at her and adore every expression and discovery she makes. But, I feel like motherhood has finally set in. The newness is fading and I'm actually starting to feel like a mom. Some days it's hard to be patient and persevere, but my love for her keeps growing and The Lord gives me strength.

Although, there are still those days, like today. I have a glorious moment of disbelief. I think to myself "i have a daughter..." and once again I get that feeling that reminds me that I was once utterly infatuated. I look at her and can't believe half of my husband and half of me is wrapped up into one little beautiful person staring back at me. I get butterflies in my tummy and giggles that bubble up and out of my mouth as I sink into the present moment.

Here's to love.
Here's to motherhood.

Sunday, September 21, 2014

Peach Cobbler Pie, an ode to Sheila.

My husband loves peach cobbler. Like, really, really loves it.

I never had the pleasure of meeting my mother in law because she passed away before I met my husband. There are so many moments I've wanted to share with this incredible woman whom I've never met but feel like I know somehow. I would have wanted her to give me the 3rd degree when her son brought me over to meet her for the first time. I would have wanted her to be at our wedding giving a speech only a mother can and taking way too many pictures. I would have wanted her to hold Bailey in her arms for the first time and see her son stare back at her through her granddaughter's eyes. I would have wanted to do crafty things with her... Donald tells me we have that in common. I wish we could have spent holidays cooking together. When Donald talks about his mom's cooking, it isn't long before he'll bring up her peach cobbler. He raves about it and how I would love to have helped her in the kitchen following along to her recipe. I've made a few different recipes trying to capture his favorite dessert pastime with little success. But as silly as it sounds, that recipe is one thing I wish I had so that I could make something for him that so much reminds him of her.

There are so many moments I would love to have, but would never take the opportunity even if I could. Because she's in a far better place, in paradise, in the presence of Jesus who dries every tear and far surpasses any joy we can have on this earth. I'll still try new cobbler and pie recipes because there's even joy in the attempt of it. Although I have a feeling no peach cobbler I could ever make will be quite the same. 

Here's my latest and it was really amazing (but not quite Sheila's). Thank you, Sheila, for inspiring me through pie making even though you're not here, I feel like it brings us closer... and I'm doing my best to love your son and granddaughter. ;)

Your daughter in law,